Ode to Narcissism

Transitioning.

I was looking forward to blogging about my weekend in Bullhead / Laughlin and how much fun I had (which I did), but something else is happening at the moment that is overshadowing this.

I don’t know how much detail I want to get into, but blogging seems like a good way to vent at the moment so here it goes.

I think we are breaking up.  And I know what I’ve written in the not-so-distant-past, and I know that it is probably for the best, but god damn… it still stings.  And the fact that we both care for, love, and respect each other is almost making it harder.  I have never had to do this before.  I have never had to salvage a friendship while ending a relationship.  And I am totally in over my fucking head.  How do you do this? 

It’s a sad testament to my antagonistic nature, but I do not speak to anyone I’ve dated in the past, or anyone I’ve slept with.  Every relationship (or … “thing,” for lack of a better word at the moment) that I have had has ended with a mutual distaste for the other’s company.  It always ends badly.  And I am a strong (or stubborn) enough person to be able to deal with that.

But I really don’t want this relationship to end this way.  It will break my heart in, perhaps, the worst way.  I just don’t know how to make that transition.