Ode to Narcissism

Not him again...

On my way back from lunch with the officefriends today, I saw this guy that I occasionally reconnect with from time to time.  I pretended not to see him.  I don’t think he saw me.  Or maybe he was pretending, too.

We met in high school.  After that one musician broke my heart, this guy helped me to move on and get over that, in his own way.  We dated for a bit, then things ended kind of badly.  I met my recent ex, and that sort of ended our “friendship” or “pseudo-relationship” or whatever it warrants being called.  Anyway, we met up again a few months ago and went out a few times (during the trial separation, but prior to this most recent breakup).  Again, we managed to end things on a bad note.

He is the only guy I have dated that I still talk to (with the exception of my current ex, and who knows what is going on there).  This guy really knows how to get under my skin.  I think he enjoys doing so.  No, I know he does.

It would be romantic, if it weren’t so fucking sordid.  I don’t love him.  I certainly don’t want to be with him.  He has been dating the same girl since  high school.  He cheats on her constantly, and they are constantly doing the break-up/make-up song-and-dance, which annoys me.  If we ever were to give it an honest try, I think we would kill each other.

We’ve influenced each other in a lot of good ways, though.  He taught me about Che and communism.  I taught him about the Doors and feminism.  But we poison each other.  We are not good together.  I don’t know why I still let him in.  In my defense, I let him in and then I kick him right out, but still… I let him in, and that is no good.

When I met my most recent ex, this guy would call me, drunk, at three in the morning and tell me that he was happy that I found someone, but at the same time, he wanted to kill him.  This is what prompted me to stop talking to him then.

I think he contacts me and coerces me into seeing him so that he can hurt me.  That is his revenge.

I don’t know where I’m going with this.  Best to end it now.

I will think on it more, and come back with something more profound later.  Hopefully.