Ode to Narcissism

I have been neglectful...

And I’m sorry.

Ok, now that I have had time to step back and analyze my reaction to this “new” person (who is actually not new - we have known each other for awhile now), I am in a better place.

Maybe I’m in love.  Maybe not.  I certainly feel something, and am so excited to be feeling something for him.  But I don’t know if it’ll work out.  There are a lot of obstacles.  The only thing I do know, for the first time in my life, is that I do not want it to sour if it doesn’t work out.  I have always thought very highly of him, and I want to continue to be able to think well of him even if we do not become a couple.  So, this is the outlook I am striving for.  And I think it’s healthy, and I’m proud of myself for not reverting back to old bad habits (at least in terms of not wanting to take everything so personally).

The gist is, I know that he likes me.  I mean, maybe more than like.  Like is such a light word.  He respects me.  He finds me humorous.  He told me I was pretty much perfect.  While maybe that was just blowing smoke, I’m going to (of course) take it for what it’s worth.  He said it, he has no reason to lie, and he’s known me long enough for these things to possibly be true in his mind.  So, fantastic.  I can rest assured that he cares for me.  As previously stated, there are a lot of obstacles.  Well, maybe not a lot.  Definitely one big one.  In addition to that, this person was friends with both my recent ex and myself for years, so it would cause a lot of talk.  But I am ok with that.  There’s more, but I won’t bore anyone with the details.  I just wanted to express that I am trying to keep this thought in my mind:  If it doesn’t work out, it won’t be for lack of mutual affection. 

Why do we want the things that are most difficult or taboo?  Maybe it’s just me.  That’s egotistical, though.  To assume that I’m the only one who does that, I mean.  So, no, it’s not just me.  But it is also me.  Sticky situations are my forte, so it seems.  Maybe I go after men who seem to be the hardest to lure in.  I am not going to make life easy on myself, am I?

Well, what would be the fun in that?

Lit blog to come soon.  Enough of this romance bullshit.