Ode to Narcissism

I don't know when else I'll have time...

So, let me provide you with an informative vent-post.

The guy who wanted a relationship after the first date is fucking insane.  Yes, I am well aware that I should have known.   In fact, if I’m going to be honest, I should just admit that I did know.  I was just drawn in by a pretty face.

I met him through a friend of mine.  On our first few dates, he was coming on very strong.  He wanted a relationship with me, he was “smitten” with me, and so on.  I was a little afraid of the intensity.  In addition, I was trying to stay true to my new vow to not jump into a relationship with anyone right way.  So, I was a little less enthusiastic than he was, but I still went out with him.  Then, he broke a date with me, and didn’t call me for about a week.  I took that as a sign that perhaps he was losing interest, and went out with the other guy I am dating in the interim.

Then, the next week, my friend invited me over and said that this guy would be there.  I almost didn’t go, because I wanted to avoid the awkwardness of seeing this person after not having heard from him in a week.  He contacted me, though, and said to come, and that he wanted to see me.  So, I went.  Two hours after he was supposed to be there, he calls my friend and explains that he will not be able to come, as he has something going on with his kid (yes, he has a three year old - yet another reason I should have avoided this whole train wreck).  I was bothered, as he asked me to come meet him there, but I was willing to just deal with it and have a good time anyway (which would not have been difficult, as I love my friend and always have a good time when over there).  I sent him a text message saying it was ok, that I was going to hang out there anyway with the people who were present.  The people present happened to include a friend of his notorious for being a womanizer.  So, what does he do?  He shows up at my friends house.  I was a little annoyed, but things went well.  We ended up talking outside for like three hours.  He asked me to go on another date with him for Tuesday, and told me that his intentions were to date me exclusively.  I told him that we should just take it one step at a time, as he hadn’t called me in a week and that we should hardly jump into any kind of relationship so quickly.  He was ok with that, or so he said, and reiterated that he wanted to go on a date in a few days (this was Saturday, and he was setting the date for Tuesday).  So, I went home and thought nothing of it.

We chatted a bit in between then and Tuesday.  Well, Tuesday comes up and what does he do?  He cancels on me, and sends me about 15 crazy texts messages about how he is not ready to be in a relationship and doesn’t have time to devote to me at the moment, and that he is tired of disappointing me by having to cancel dates due to his life situation, and so on and so forth.  And he does all of this via text, by the way.  So, I told him that was fine, but that I never asked him for a relationship - he was the one pushing for that.  I said that I had fun hanging out with him, but if he did not want to see me anymore, that was fine and that I wouldn’t try to convince him otherwise.  His response was to tell me he never meant to imply that he doesn’t want to see me again.  He sent me a heart photo and asked me to go out with him again on Wednesday.  In fact, his exact words were “Will you hang out with me tomorrow if I promise no cancellations?”.  And me, being the idiot that I am, agreed to see him.

Let me just pause there to explain what was going through my head at the time.  This guy was in the military, and has been in Japan the past two and a half years.  He has a three year old son that he found out about when the boy was a year and a half old.  The mother is someone he dated for approximately three months.  He cannot stand her.  He is in the process of looking for a job, as he has just returned to the country.  So, with all of this in mind, I have been extremely understanding of his situation.  I know he is a bit crazy, but the way I figured it, everyone can be a little crazy sometimes, and he is going through a lot at the moment.  I thought that if I could stick it out, there might be something there.  Not a relationship right away, but fun for a bit, at least.  And good conversation.

Anyway, so I was planning on seeing him after work yesterday.  I get off at 5:00 p.m., and told him to call me then and let me know where to meet him at.  So, at 3:00 p.m., he sends me two text messages, one right after the other.

The first said this: “I don’t want to play games with you.  I don’t think this is working between us.  I think it would be better if we just saw this for what it is. Sorry for everything.”

The second said: “I’m just not ready for anything new in my life right now.  It was never my intention to lead you on or hurt your feelings.  If it matters I am truly sorry for this.”

And that is where I reached my limit.  So, I told him very plainly (perhaps even a little too bluntly) that he was acting crazy.  I said that everyone has their limit, and I had reached mine.  I reiterated the fact that I never once asked for a relationship, and that, in fact, he had been the one pushing for a relationship and asking me to be exclusive with him.  I said I did not appreciate the hot-and-cold antics he was pulling, and that essentially I was done.

I am really bothered by this.  Am I missing something?  I guess I probably should have run when he first started talking about a relationship so very early on, but does me answering his calls and allowing him to pursue me in any way make me at fault for his hot-and-cold actions?  I mean, I have been very honest with him from the start, and I purposely did not pursue him.  He called me.  He texted me.  He initiated everything, including asking me out on dates.  So, where in those happenings did I ever ask him for a relationship, or to give me anything?

Nowhere.

And therein lies my confusion.

I could live with all of this if it wasn’t effecting my friendship with the person who introduced us.  I feel as if I can’t go over to her house anymore, or it will be viewed as me trying to run into him.  He does not live there, but he spends a lot of time over there because he is good friends with her boyfriend.  So, yeah… I guess I will not be seeing one of my best friends as much.  This is honestly the only thing that upsets me.  I can laugh off the rest as craziness.  This hurts, though.  Why should my friendship suffer because some guy is crazy and can’t figure out what he wants?

Yes, I’m 12.