Ode to Narcissism

Sweetheart Phase

Yes, San Francisco was great, and I’ve had some time to reflect on it and appreciate it and so on.  I’m not going to blog about it now, though.  I’d rather keep it for myself at the moment.  Plus, my head is full of chatter that I would like to get out.

First… I am in a relationship now.  Yeah, I know what some of you are thinking.  That was really quick.  Maybe it is a mistake, too, but I won’t know that until I follow through.  I can’t predict the future, but I will say this:  It is extremely pleasant to be in the sweetheart phase.  It’s been so long for me that I almost forgot what that feels like.  This must be what makes it worthwhile… this must be why, failed relationship after failed relationship, we keep coming back for more.  It is a bliss equal to the worst kind of pain.  And it took a lot for me to realize that.

Second… Coming to terms with some negative things about yourself can be very refreshing.  What I love the most about this at the moment is that my prejudice against a “certain type of person” (no, this isn’t based on skin color - but rather on a stereotype associated with people who wear certain labels of clothing and enjoy certain outdoor activities - aka GLAMIS folk) was thrown back in my face in possibly one of the most hilarious ways ever.  I was wrong, and I’m so very glad I was. 

Third… School is going well.  The class I am taking at the moment scared me at first.  Now, I think I might actually make it through with a decent grade.  Then, it’s transfer time.  It feels good to actually be moving forward with this.  I spent way too much time getting this far, but that’s ok.  I’m here now.  And things are progressing well.

Fourth… Although I am pretty close to being broke at the moment, there is something to be said for living paycheck to paycheck.  It has taught me to be more careful with my money, and to be more appreciative of people spending money on me.  It has also taught me to be less materialistic, which is good.  No more shopping for clothes or shoes… at least for a little while.  I think for awhile there I was trying to fill some kind of void with those things.  And, you know, they’re just things.  Temporal things.  They don’t, in the end, matter much, even if they do look pretty.

That’s it for the moment.

<3